There have been so many times in my life (right now included) that I have felt empty. That I have thought, "I have NOTHING left to give. I need a break! I'm gonna call in sick tomorrow." Then, somehow, I get up and do it all over again. Teachers and parents a like are the energizer bunnies - we keep going and going and going. Somehow, we are strong like that.
We are strong even when it's hard...REALLY, REALLY hard. Just to put things into perspective, I had 16 kindergartners my first year here and FIVE had a parent or step parent pass away while they were in my class or just before school started. It was a tough year with lots of emotions. I've always taught in a Title I school, but not quite like this. My first week, I asked a student to make sure his parents signed a paper that we were waiting on and he replied, "Did you forget my mom died?" I had an unaccompanied minor in my class, a student who told me his dad was so sad his mom passed away, that he couldn't work and he didn't have a lot of food at home. I hate sharing this and I'm a bit self conscious about it. I don't really know why... I remember one day a couple years ago, when I had a particularly hard week. There was so much going on with my students, and I came home and lost it. I hung my keys and bag up in the kitchen, and then I started crying. I literally could not make myself stop. I laid in the kitchen floor trying to quit and trying to breathe, and I just couldn't. Finally, my husband, not knowing what else to do, brought me a Tylenol PM and simply said, "It'll be better in the morning." I fell asleep drained and exhausted. He was right though. It was better in the morning after some much needed rest.
I saw this quote from the blog It's A Mother Thing.
I haven't read much of her blog yet, but this caught my eye. It's in a post titled "Self Care is Not Selfish." What I've realized is that sometimes, when we continuously keep going, we don't give the best of us. It's like a logger who doesn't take the time to sharpen his ax. His blade is dull, and the work is longer and harder. If he'd invest a little time, he would be so much more productive. (Teachers you know the feeling when you cut with dull scissor blades). That's part of the reason I started this blog, so I can spend time writing about what I love to do! Helping children is challenging, uncomfortable, and frustrating sometimes, but I refuse to let these kids only get what is left (so many students get the leftovers at home). So, I write, I go to Combat class (like Zumba, but with kicking and punching instead of Salsa moves), I craft, and I listen to music. I even go to bed early when I can. This week, I'll go to Conscious Discipline training to sharpen my ax and skills. I do the things I'm excited about because I want my students to get and remember the best of me everyday.
There's a million things I SHOULD be doing right now, but I've had so much swimming around in my head that I figured I'd just write instead.
This summer I'm doing a camp at our school. There is play based learning for all grades and enrichment activities (like swimming, art, STEM, etc.), and all day field trips on Friday. This past week was tough as kids are getting to know us more, and sharing more information...and acting out more. It felt like I was running around and putting out a bunch of fires.
It was this week though, that I'm reminded of the verse in Proverbs that says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." It's so true - for every encounter we have with others: student to student, teacher to student, parent to child, parent to parent, and teacher to teacher...the list goes on and on. I was encouraged to see the team of people I work with work so hard at understanding our students and to love them through their frustrations (both teachers and students).
It's been reinforced to me how much we can choose to make a difference. Not just in the lives of children, but in the lives of other adults. What have you done to show a "grown-up" you care? When's the last time you wrote a handwritten note to someone saying you appreciate them? These relationships are ESSENTIAL for children because you are modeling how to treat others; you are modeling empathy. Take time to get to know your co-teacher, your colleagues, your parents. Take time to compliment them, and above all, to respect them. Everyone is different, and some adults are easier to get along with than others, but a little encouragement goes a long way. Everyone has their own story. Take time to listen and get to know them. In the end, I've discovered that we all have the same goal - to help others and love kids. The path we take to get there just looks different.
This week, I'm going to be conscious of all the relationships in my life. I'm going to slow down and listen more; I'll take time to encourage and love those around me, ESPECIALLY the adults.
I've stewed on this for months. I love writing, and I find it therapeutic, but what do I really have to say that someone really hasn't already heard? That thought has held me back for months, and this week, I've been encouraged by so many to just write. So...here it goes. I'm going to write as if this were my personal journal: the good, the bad, and the ugly! This is where I can be honest and raw and share tears and laughs.
As I was talking to my principal about maybe starting a blog, she mentioned she recently has been blogging. She started with why she wanted to become a teacher. As I thought about this, I thought it would be a good place for me to start as well because this experience and person shaped my beliefs as a teacher. As a sophomore in high school, I was an average C student. I coasted through, but mostly enjoyed school. I did band, drama, and worked as a shift manager at a local pizza restaurant. It was at band practice when my parents pulled up early. My father got out of the car, and my stomach dropped. I knew something was wrong. He told me my grandma passed away. Ma lived with us, and we were extremely close. I went to school the next day, and was telling my English teacher that I did not have a project because I had procrastinated, and was unable to do it the night before due to Ma's death. As I was sharing this with her, someone came in and told us to turn on the T.V. We watched the second plane hit the World Trade Centers live. It felt like chaos. I tried calling to see if I could just go home, but my parents were at the funeral home, so they didn't answer. I felt stuck. The next day, my uncle was robbed at gun point. Everything that week swirled by, and it's hard to remember all the details. What I DO remember is that Martha Sides, my tenth grade English teacher took the time to come to Ma's visitation. She was the only teacher who came. I realized that she cared about me outside of school, and it changed my life. I was able to learn so much from her that year, and it's because of her, that I KNOW I can also make a difference in others lives.
It's because of Mrs. Sides, that I care about my students and what happens to them outside of school. It's because of her, that I know academics are not the most important thing...that loving people is what really matters...especially in a classroom. If I can show my students that I care and that I love them, then they will be able to soar.
